AITA: Expect Husband To Co-Parent With Me

Parents bring their children up teaching them right from wrong. You would expect family to follow along with this,  wouldn't you? 

What if a family member pushed your child into doing something they knew was wrong, even questioning the request, and made them feel uncomfortable doing it. One Mum took to Reddit's AITA (Am I The Asshole?) board when she found herself in this situation.

Read the main post below...

"My in laws are challenging. They’re nice enough, but very old fashioned - not all in a bad way, but they are very traditional and tend to ignore boundaries. My SO is non-confrontational and does not ever challenge them.

Okay - here’s the story -

Sunday, my in laws come over. FIL proceeds to tell us a story about when they took our kids canoeing a few weeks ago. It was my in laws, my sister in law and her husband and daughter, and my two boys. My SIL’s husband made a comment of “Well, we don’t plan to get super wet,” speaking of him and my SIL. My FIL continued to explain how he purposely “paddled too hard” so as to splash them and then proceeds to tell me how he told MY SON to go over and tip them. My son said, “I don’t think I should,” to which my FIL pressured him into tipping their canoe, saying “Yes you should, we don’t canoe to stay dry.”

As soon as he said it, saw red. I got up, went inside, and looked at my husband with a, “Please address this,” look. I then had a conversation with my son about how it’s always okay to push back when something doesn’t feel right and to flat out say “No!” to anyone who is pressuring him do anything that makes him feel uncomfortable. We talked about consent and boundaries - such important topics for boys (and anyone!)

My husband completely ignored me and the situation (this is how badly he hates conflict - he will literally let someone bully my kid into doing something shitty and not say a word because it’s “uncomfortable.” I kept quiet, because I have asked him to stand up to his parents before - more about that in a minute.

Last night, hubs finally asked me if he did something wrong. I responded with, “No, and that’s the bigger problem. You completely ignored what happened.”

He knew exactly what I was talking about and said to me, “I don’t like confrontation.”

Like - so you let someone bully your kid into shitty behavior because you don’t like confrontation?? C’mon.

It didn’t turn into a big fight. I told him how I felt and got quiet. I’m not going to yell about it. This is a HUGE deal to me and he knows it. He NEVER confronts his dad’s shitty behavior. Ever. I have listened to his father bad mouth me over the phone for over an hour and my husband never said a thing. Okay, fine. That’s me, I’m a big girl. But when it impacts my kids - nope. Totally different story.

I totally get that tipping a canoe is NOT a huge deal and is largely part of the fun. However, they SAID THEY DID NOT WANT TO GET REALLY WET and my son heard that and tried to respect it. He was told to ignore it. THAT is the problem.

Raising a decent human is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’m not about to let his dad fuck it up. Sorry this is so long. I’m sad. I’m hurt. If I am crazy, I’ll own it. Am I the asshole for wanting my husband to support me in parenting and not wanting my kids to be around people like my in laws?"

Read the full Reddit thread here

What was the general consensus?

The poster was voted NTA (Not The Asshole). One of the top comments said:

"NTA

This is in direct conflict with your parenting and apparently even a child recognizes this. It’s good that you spoke to your kid about it and reinforced that No means No. you’re going to have to address this with your In-laws directly. Husband has chosen his comfort over resolving the issue. You can be respectful, but firm. If the in-laws won’t respect your parenting, then they cannot have unsupervised time with the kid. Full stop."

While another said:

"NTA thank goodness your sons have you to teach them when others fail them in this extremely important life lesson. I understand the challenge of having a partner that isn’t good with setting their own boundaries with their parent. These types of parents want it that way and raised their kids to be obedient. I suspect that’s why your husband chose someone like you as a partner who can voice things and not be fearful.

Regardless of your husband having a hard time with confrontation on his own behalf he really needs to step up here when it involves his sons any bad influence on their behavior or upbringing. I hope you can have another chat with him that gets you both on the same parenting path because it doesn’t seem like he’s quite on board."

Our verdict...

While a day out with the kids in water you would expect to get a bit wet, it's absolutely not ok to pressure a child into doing something they know is wrong. The husband really needs to step up for his wife and kids, it doesn't have to get messy, it can be said in a respectful way. But the longer he doesn't speak up for his family the harder it will get. As a parent, you are your childs voice when they are younger and no-one should be making them feel uncomfortable no matter who they are.

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